The Tinder Bases

I have never understood ‘the base system’. Firstly, that is surely connected to the fact that I have no idea how baseball works (I assume it is related to baseball…), but it is also because I, when I finally felt I did not risk being uncool by asking people what they meant when they said “Taylor and I went third base” (see what I did there – gender-neutral name!), people started explaining the base system to me, but somehow, their answers differed quite a bit.

Also, I never really saw the need for it. We live in the age of over-sharing and if someone really wants me to know what they did with Taylor, they might as well go ahead and tell me in plain old English (or German or Spanish or Danish). The other issue I have with that whole idea is that, let’s be honest, there is no set order for all these shenanigans. I mean, really. (Once we’re on the topic – isn’t it way more intimate to put someone else’s parts in my mouth that in my lady hole? I mean, my lady parts are somewhere down there, but my mouth is in my face! Near my eyes and my nose and my brains!)

So, anyway, sometimes I do notice when things tend to occur in a sequence, and it makes me very happy. Spotting patterns is a major past time of mine, so you’ll understand my excitement.

And now let’s get on to my discovery (or invention – that’s always the question, isn’t it?): There is a pattern to people’s interactions on Tinder, that infamous dating/hooking up app.

Here in Germany things are always a bit late. Blockbusters, for example, and fashion, and also pretty much everything else (when my friends from the UK came visiting they said they felt like they had been transported back into the 80s, because of the way some people dress and the colourful, cheap advertising). Here, Tinder is still quite a new thing. It started dawning on people about half a year ago and is still being discovered. Therefore, it is always a hot conversation topic. From these conversations (and, yes, also from my own experience), I deducted the Tinder Base System:

1st Base: Messaging On Tinder – You’ve been swiping, you have been matched and have now started a dialogue. Yet, it is still very, very informal. All you know about that other person is their (supposed) name, their (supposed) age and some pictures that don’t really hold up as airtight evidence. On the other hand, if they get creepy or annoying or whatever, you can unmatch them in a second, and don’t have to worry about them ever again.

2nd Base: Messaging On Whatsapp – You’re still messaging! This is a new level though, because you have passed the first hurdle and exchanged numbers. This, of course, is another tiny commitment, because you (and they also) have now invited them into a part of your actual real-world life (after all you use the same app for messaging friends, family, colleagues). And, other than when you give someone your number in a bar, chances are they are actually going to message you (seeing as they have already done so). The downside, on the other hand, is that they now have your number – your actual real life number – and if they turn out to be too attached/potential mass murderers/just not your type, even if you block them on Whatsapp they can now text and/or call you.

3rd Base: Speaking On The Phone – This is an optional step and often left out. If someone wants to speak to you on the phone before meeting you in person, they probably (unless phone sex is involved) see Tinder as a dating rather than a hooking up app.

Home Run: The Meet-up – Depending your intention and their intention this might be a romantic date in a cafe or any sort of copulation in any sort of place (or both). In any case, the app has done its job: It has connected two people who otherwise probably wouldn’t have met.

What do you think of it? Invention or discovery?

B x


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