Paperworld

It must be my German blood coming through, but not only do I take great pleasure in the acquiring and possession of stationary, I also find something deeply satisfying in filling out forms. Just now I am organising the paperwork for moving within Germany and boy, there is a lot of administration to such a small task. I mean, I am literally just moving my shit back into my parents’ house before going to university in Scotland in autumn. It’s not even that much stuff. Yet, so many forms.

Even I am perplexed when people ask me about what I like so much about filling out forms. But it’s just SO GOOD. Everything has its place and it’s all neat and orderly. Real perfection, if you ask me.

It has gone so far that I ended up applying for a new passport, an EHIC and insurance for a friend (after having done most of her UCAS form). But, although it may be odd, it is certainly not an unpleasant quirk. I mean, forms drive most people mad. They cause a considerable amount of frustration and panic, and here I am thinking “Oh I need a visa? YAY!!”.

So yeah, at the moment making good use of this pleasure by helping asylum seekers with all the forms necessary to grant them permanent residence. I still love it.

B x

Annoying Books I

Until a while ago I felt the compulsion to finish every book I started reading. And so I did. But somehow, these days, I think that is a waste of time. Surely, some books need a while to pick up the pace, but there are so many books that I can read and I won’t ever be able to read all the books I want to read. Why waste my time with a book that I don’t enjoy?

This development was a slow one. Especially when I was younger I felt an immense pressure to read ALL THE BOOKS. At that age I went to the library twice a week – Monday and Friday – and always left with a massive pile of books. Reading ALL THE BOOKS seemed like an achievable goal at the time and I was making good progress. Soon after I had read all the books in the children’s section that interested me and I started visiting other libraries in the area in order to widen the selection of reading material.

Then something happened. It wasn’t conscious but suddenly I felt the pressure to read books that other people liked. Still I did not even start reading them, but it felt more like I was putting off doing it until some day than like making a decision to just not read them. A massive amount of reader’s guilt has piled up ever since. Who cares if I will never read the Lord of the Rings or the final Harry Potters or God knows what. I just don’t care much for fantasy, however good it might be. Deal with it (this is mainly a command to myself).

After having set this straight, I can finally get to my actual point. Some books are just annoying. I like the idea and/or concept of them and I want to read them but they are just so annoying. I’ve encountered a fair few of them and here I will introduce you to the first two of them:

As part of my “Around The World Challenge” I vowed to read Paulo Coelho’s ‘The Pilgrimage’ to cover Europe. My vague interest in the camino got me excited about a work of fiction featuring it. When I started reading it, however, this enthusiasm soon died away. I can’t name exactly what it was – the overtly spiritual theme or the narrative style itself – but I knew that reading this book would be a long cruel journey. So I abandoned it. I deleted it from my ebook reader and moved on. Look at me, so grown up. Oh, and I found an even better book to replace its spot in my challenge: The Diary of Anne Frank!

Now all good. The second book is a little more complicated. It is Dan Kieran’s “The Art of Slow Travel”. There is no challenge to reading this book and I don’t dread it half as much as “The Pilgrimage”, but it does annoy me massively. It is the style. It is a style that is quite peculiar and somehow it is common among those around and including Tom Hodginson. I love the idea of idleness and celebrating it and slow travel and I would love to read about it, but not this way. Somehow it makes me picture them as the most self-centered, ignorant, arrogant people alive. I’m sure that these are false accusations, but their writing cannot convey it to me. Also, I love books centered exclusively around the author, so… But I want to read this damn book so I will. I’ll let you know once I’ve made it.

So anyway, enough complaining for now. Gotta leave some for the rest of the week, innit?

B x

Tying Loose Ends

I don’t know if it’s just me or if everybody gets them, but I have days where I feel like cleaning the bathroom or doing laundry or filing the piles of paper on my desk. I should clarify though, that these are single, very rare occasions among endless days where I find myself too lazy to take a shower or eat breakfast (it’s more the preparing of the breakfast… it involves going to the kitchen).

Today, you guessed it, is one of those days. As I am still staying with my parents, I have not had an outlet for my cleaning energy (my Dad, I’m pretty sure, suffers from an undiagnosed case of OCD and would go batshit crazy if he came home to find that I “messed up everything” – I am not even allowed to hoover) and it has accumulated over the course of the day. Around midday I found a source of relief in my laptop: when was the last time I tidied up my files? How long has it been that I de-fragmented my c-drive?

I went a bit too far, I guess. I accidentally deleted a file that apparently my email program depended on (causing a moment of terror) and my I had to re-install some programs that I had enthusiastically de-installed moments before. Everything is now up to speed, I have run a complete check for viruses and as we speak I am performing my first ever back-up. Hooray!

Somehow having accomplished something (ANYTHING) makes this day a success. And as we all know, success is highly addictive. So I shall give in and dedicate some more attention to this lovely little blog that has been so horribly neglected in the last few weeks. I’ll start now by tying some loose ends: I’ll update my record of books I’ve read, write reviews of the books I’ve been reading as part of my “Around The World Reading Challenge“, maybe a happiness update and finish some drafts that I’ve left unfinished. Well, let’s wait till I’ve done it. Promises are just promises, aren’t they…

B x

Having The Crazies

It is official: I am literally going insane. As in, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My mind racing from one crazy thought to another, I’ve come to the conclusion that my momentary insanity is caused by a number of reasons.

For once, I have been around my parents for over a week now. I love my parents, but we really are better apart. When I’m in my flat two hours away from my parents, we skype every Sunday, and occasionally message or email to let each other know what is going on in our lives. Apart from that, they leave me alone and I leave them alone. This seems to be ideal for all parties involved. From time to time I come down for the weekend, we spend two pleasant enough days all together and then, on Sunday evening, I am glad to be on my way home again, back to my own life.

Naturally then, being together for an extended period of time is unusual territory for all of us, seeing as, despite being only eighteen, I haven’t lived with my parents for three years now. Also, I am generally not that good at cohabiting with anyone over a longer period, I need my own space and my own rhythm of things. There is nothing that makes me more anxious than having someone around who questions what I do, when I do it and especially my way of doing things. Somehow it makes me very defensive and angry and I really don’t like feeling that I have to justify my ways. I’ve got enough insecurity as it is, no need for more external sources of it to open up. For some reason, parents are champions at questioning your every move. Drives me crazy. See, I’ve had my every move questioned for more than a week now, the crazy accumulates.

Another major cause for panic and doubt is the future. Both the immediate future and the wider one. In the immediate future I am awaiting a new semester, fair enough. I’m actually quite looking forward to that, doing nothing for months established the base line of insanity, so yay. But on the other hand, my flatmate has moved out and the university has automatically assigned me a new one, which technically means that I will come home to find a stranger in my flat that I will have to live with for the next few months.

The less immediate future, often just called “the future” or “my life”, I’d say, generates the highest level of anxiety. I’ve applied to universities in Scotland back in October and I’ve heard back from most of them. That is, all but one. Of course, this one has to be just the one that I really really really want to go to: the University of Edinburgh. Now, you might think, if I’ve been waiting since October to get an offer or be rejected, why does this propel me to the verge of a nervous breakdown now? Well, thing is, they told me I’d hear from them by March 31st, WHICH IS TOMORROW!!! I swear letting me hope for this long is pure cruelty on their part. I literally don’t even care anymore what their response is, as long as they give me one and let me move on with my life. It is the uncertainty that is making me crazy. If they don’t want me, I can arrange for accommodation, insurance and all that jazz for my second choice of university (who have presented me with an unconditional offer months ago) and I can just live my life.

I am now doomed to spend another 31 hours checking my emails and having frequent panic attacks. Part of me is filled with rage and the other one is begging for mercy. “Desperation” is the word that sums up both aspects.

Have mercy on me, University of Edinburgh, you f****** bitch!

B x

Well My Left Hand’s Free

A band’s second album is a big hurdle, I dare to say. Especially when the debut album has rocked the reviews and created a major fan base, expectations for the next albums are high. Many bands simply don’t make it. The second album is what makes a good band a great band. The xx, for example, did not make it. Nothing’s lost yet, but you know.

The expectations, generally, are mixed. We loved that first album. We know the words to all the songs, we have danced to the remixes and we want something similar. We want an album just like this. But also not. We also want something different, we want the band to evolve, grow.

Alt-J has done it. Their new album is similar enough to remind us that we love them, but they were brave enough to go further. “Left Hand Free” is perfect proof of that.

B x

The Gilmore Girls Therapy

Whenever I have to sort out my life I do so watching Gilmore Girls. It is perfect. It is practically made for running in the background while I pay bills, clean my flat and make big life decisions. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s the perfect blend of interesting and trivial.

Plus, 77 episodes is the perfect length for a series that you can watch again and again: It is long enough that although I watched it a thousand times already I still can’t speak along the dialogue. And it is such a strong independent woman show. It motivates me to get a grip and move on with my life, live it. Okay, yes, that sounded a bit melodramatic. After all that would mean ‘living my life’ is checking emails, making doctor’s appointments and mobbing the floor. But, after all, sorting out my life, however boring, is better than sleeping all day and putting off showering for too long (to justify it, I tell myself that I’m giving my hair an all-natural conditioning… I know, sad). Plus, when I watch episodes of Gilmore Girls it isn’t even boring.

Also, Gilmore Girls is infinite inspiration. Rory Gilmore is my spirit animal. Just watching this show with its innumerable literary and pop culture references makes me want to do the things that I love doing. You know when you’re miserable and you know exactly what to do to stop being miserable, but you’re to miserable to do it? Yeah. Well, Gilmore Girls helps me escape that vicious circle. Who needs therapy, ay?

B x

Oh Liebster….

Here we go, finally. This is loooong overdue. Back in the day (like a month ago or so) Tezzy over at The Tezzy Files nominated me for a Liebster Award (thanks again and sorry for leaving it so long!) and I’ve put it off until another nomination kind of forced me to get moving. Thanks for finding me Lost Girl!

What do I do now? The more or less official rules state that one should mention the person(s) who nominated you, answer their 11 questions and then nominate 11 other bloggers to answer 11 questions that you made up. Well, I guess I just gotta answer 22 questions then.

Let’s start with Tezzy’s questions, shall we?

  1. What is your biggest blogging inspiration? Life, I guess. All the rumblings going in and out of my brain. Books and TV and food and songs and all of that.
  2. What is your best kept beauty secret? Oh, I’m a bit helpless when it comes to make up and all of that. But, I do believe in moisturizer. For me, moisturizing is almost a sacred process, it makes everything better.
  3. Describe your personal style in 5 words. Casual, confused, comfortable, (I’m running out of words starting with C, sorry) low-brow, spontaneous
  4. If you had all the money in the world, what would you be doing? Travelling the world, although that’s a cliche. I guess after some time I’d buy a nice flat in central London, enroll at UCL (seriously who can afford nine grand a year plus living in London) and study various languages for a decade or so.
  5. List three things you’d want to have on you if you were stranded on a deserted island. A really good friend (preferably someone who could double as a lover), sun tan lotion (aka moisturizer with SPF) and a fully stacked e-reader with a million good books (and some bad ones so I can have a bit of a rant from time to time).
  6. Who is the one person you’d want with you on that island? Hm. I haven’t really found that really good friend who can double as a lover yet…
  7. Name a celebrity you aspire to be. Scarlet Johannson. I adore/idolize/worship her.
  8. The genie in the lamp grants you three wishes. What will they be? Ok. For starters, I’d like to be more capable of everyday life. Stop forgetting or losing things or always being late, for example. Then, I wish I could cook. For that, I would not only need the skills of a master chef, but also the patience to spend more than 10 minutes in front of a stove. Oh, and I’d like some self-confidence, please. Not too much, but a decent amount.
  9. What is your fondest childhood memory? I remember the books I read as a child as if the plots were my own memories. My favourite author was Astrid Lindgren, so when I think of my childhood, I always think of the Swedish countryside.
  10. Name a food dish that takes you back to your childhood. I was an extremely picky child. I didn’t eat meat or most vegetables, so whenever I went to dinner at my grandparents’ all I ate was potatoes with gravy, and it was my favourite dish in the whole world.
  11. What is your biggest food craving as an adult? Um. Any kind of Greek food. Especially gigantes, giant beans.

That was only the first batch, friends, hang in there. Moving on… Here are Kassandra’s questions:

  1. Why did you start your blog? To relieve my friends and family of some of the thoughts that cross my mind and need to be shared with the world.
  2. If you could make a living blogging would you quit your current job? I’m a student, so no. Also, I think it wouldn’t do me good.
  3. What topic do you wish you could blog about, but are too afraid? Um, hard to say. I played with the idea of writing a post titled “10 extremely unhealthy (but effective) dieting tips”, which I, as a former anorexic, am an expert on. But it’s a bit of a downer and I hate the idea that someone might be influenced negatively by it, so no no.
  4. Do you share your blog with family and friends? No. The idea is to find another outlet for my crazy thought processes. Also it’s quite liberating not to.
  5. Has your blog ever upset a family member or friend? Hence, no.
  6. Everyone on earth subscribed to your blog, what would your next blog post be about? How awesome the Netflix series ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’ is.
  7. Name one celebrity you wish was reading your blog. (This person can be living or dead.) Scarlet Johannson (see above)
  8. Who/what is your favorite blogger/blog? I love Flavorwire.
  9. Would you ever want to collaborate on a post with another blogger? Hm… No. I’m more of a solitary worker/writer/blogger. I love interacting with others, but teaming up isn’t my strong spot.
  10. Which blog topic is your guilty pleasure? Ugh this is easy. There is something perversely satisfying in blogging about blogging (about blogging).
  11. What is the one thing you really dislike about blogging? The guilty feeling in my throat when I don’t tend to my blog regularly.

I MADE IT!! Just gotta come up with my own stuff now, very sorry if it turns out to be a bit random…

I nominate:

100 Days Of Sunshine     Tenure, She Wrote     That’s So Jacob     Dark Roast     Paige Hanson     Ellis Goes On Holiday     Finding My Inner Zen     Stories From The Belly     Some Type Of Artist     I Refuse To Follow Your Blog     Storyshucker

And here are my questions:

  1. What is your signature dish?
  2. Your favourite Britney Spears song?
  3. What do you catch yourself doing when you think nobody is looking?
  4. If you started a cult, who (or what) would you worship?
  5. Who is your weirdest celebrity crush?
  6. Honestly, what do you think was there first, hen or egg?
  7. Imagine you could ban one phrase that people keep saying (like “What up” or “That’s what she said” or “Zu Risiken und Nebenwirkungen fragen Sie Ihren Arzt oder Apotheker*”), which one would it be?
  8. Would you rather live in a house or a flat? And why?
  9. What’s your favourite meme/gif?
  10. What’s the most tasteless item you own?
  11. Which 11 bloggers do you want to nominate for the Liebster Award?

I know the last one is a cheat, but I’m really hungry now and I’ve decided to treat myself to sushi today, so I need to go 😉

B x