A Guide To Being Hungover

As you might be able to guess from the title, this is going to be a post about being hungover, because frankly, I am just very very hungover on this wonderful morning.

Usually when this happens I just sink into bed and sleep for a day or two. Unfortunately I have a driving lesson today (in about three hours…), so that is not really an option. On the other hand, I have had some very very productive days after nights of very very heavy drinking.

So, today, I will have to create that atmosphere of wellbeing and sunshine and lollipops. Please feel welcomed to accompany me on this journey.

Let’s first recount the events of last night and the events that are meant to be happening today: I have that sometimes quite comforting habit of memory loss. As soon as I have more than two glasses of wine, I can’t count on being able to remember anything that happens afterwards. Bad choices, therefore, are often just forgotten. On the other hand, it can be quite unnerving. Today it proved to be the latter. My memory skips about five hours and continues with me walking in the middle of nowhere, whilst crying “I just want to go home”.

Getting home, then, proved a full-grown odyssey. I had no idea where I was, the battery of my phone was dying and I was so, so cold. I finally fell into bed at 7 am after a series of walking in circles, taking busses that took me even further away and smoking as a way to guard me against the cold (it does not work, believe me).

Now, let’s face today. I’ll have to get through my driving lesson alive. Also, I have no idea where my bike is. Gonna have to do a bit of a search. I just hope it is still somewhere near a place that I can remember being at. Given how far away I found myself when I regained consciousness (that’s probably not the right word), I might have to face the fact that my beloved bicycle is infinitely lost.

Oh, and (last but definitely not least), I have a Skype interview at seven tonight. As a lovely add-on, my internet is once again not working, so I’ll have to go find a quit secluded spot at the library to skype at. Ugh.

Now, here are my seven steps to sobering up and dealing the next few hours:

  1. Drink 3 litres of tea. Drink it hot and drink it fast. As I’m sure you know, symptoms of a hangover are usually related to dehydration. The best choice of tea is German, of course, as all the things connected to what you do before, while and after drinking very very much: Ostfriesen-Tea. It’s a really strong black tea and, handily, you can buy teabags that make a whole litre of tea. After these three litres, other drinks might be considered: Hot chocolate, coffee, you name it. If you’re not much of a tea person, I recommend drinking 3 litres of iced water.
  2. I recommend a traditional Northern German dish: Labskaus. I will not elaborate on what this is (google it if you must), because it is one of those dishes like taramasalata: So yum, but better if you don’t think too much about what it is in particular. Otherwise, of course, any other hearty, easy to make and easy to eat meal is fine (soup is the logical choice).
  3. There is nothing better to distract you from how everything is spinning and the disgusting taste in your mouth than well-beloved comedy. The better you know it, the better a choice it is. Make sure you always have a boxset around.
  4. Check your phone. After a period of charging, it is the time to set your affairs straight. If you have the habit of drunk-texting, now is the time to send those awkward but necessary follow-up messages, any apologies should be made as soon as possible. Also, I usually have friends with better memories that can help me re-establish the previous night.
  5. Search for things. The sooner you find them the better: you won’t have to worry anymore and the longer the wait, the higher the risk you will find your possessions damaged or not at all. This is especially true for contact lenses.
  6. Brush your teeth, have a shower, clean up vomit if necessary.
  7. Go for a walk. Well, right now I can’t really walk because I dragged myself through the landscape last night, but if I could, I’d go for a walk. Fresh air is a miracle when it comes to the consequences of extensive liquor consumption.

I gotta be off then, people, I’ll get started on that third litre of tea.

B x

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